I realized I feel so much better without a phone because with a phone I feel a certain responsibility and I hate it because I just do.
I can’t date a guy with similarities to my family because I’ll immediately think of them and be grossed out of my mind because I don’t want to date my family.
Some penises look so disgusting
I want to experiment with lesbian relationship and whenever I get married I want to date a guy whose either really shy but sweet or a guy who hates everything but me because I’ll feel more secure with a guy like that because I know I won’t have any competition and I hate having competition.So it’ll be good because he probably won’t like anybody for no reason but he’ll like me.He might have moon square mars.I don’t know I like that aspect.
I thought about it and I want to become a therapist/psychologist.And then I want to be a teacher also because I love learning and I get to meet people.Maybe I’ll be a professor at a university?? I don’t know but I know I don’t just want to be a normal teacher.I find it hard to do something because I always feeling like I have to be the best at everything so I always try my hardest though even when I am the best at something I don’t feel happy I feel secure.I think I emotionally/mentally can’t experience happiness.
I feel like when I’m older I’ll probably be a failure.I’m not saying it in a bad way,even though it is bad.I just feel like there is no job that’s meant for me.I just can’t seem to get interested in anything.I think I want to become a teacher but I want to do something with traveling so maybe work at an embassy or something.
and apparently I’m very lonely.I’m not an extremely emotional person because often I just feel numb and empty for no reason.Even when I’m experiencing an actual emotion,I don’t really feel it all the way.It’s superficial.I feel it,though underneath I usually feel nothing and I can’t really try to feel anything because I don’t know how.I’m being completely serious I can’t feel normal emotions,I just feeling empty but often nothing.I wish I could feel deeper.
So kids,don’t go around telling people you have depression and such mental illnesses because they don’t really know how serious it is to have a mental illness.I can’t seem to understand why people think it would be fun to have one.Plus,it makes people who actually have depression look like they’re the ones who are saying it for attention,I’ve seen it happen many times before.
and apparently I’m moderately bipolar.I don’t get people who glamorize mental illnesses.Really,I hear people say they have depression and such,just because they’re either moody or sad at them moment.I just can’t take that.
I just found out that I have depression,but my cynicism prevents me from believing it because it may be a lie so I’d rather just pretend nothing is bad.
I’m sick of it.I can’t say what it is,though it isn’t inanimate.I just can’t stand it,and I hate it and I just can’t take it and I’m going to change it because I can’t be this way and I hate the way it makes me be so I’m just going to be distant and why do I surround myself by this its that I can’t be around
Though its not that I can’t share,it’s that I’m afraid that the person is going to find someone who they’ll like more than me and leave me for them.Even though I’m completely terrified by abandonment,I’m still willing to be left behind because I realize that it matures people emotionally and I want to mature.Though most of my friends say that I’m already too serious - though I don’t think just because someone is serious,it automatically makes them mature.
I am so anxious about being in a relationship.I don’t want to get married or settle down.I want to get in a relationship with someone whom I feel comfortable with and I barely feel comfortable with anyone so when I find that person I’ll cherish them so much.I just want to get in a relationship with a person who treats everyone else really bad and has a special spot ONLY for ME.I have this problem - I’m too possessive with people and if I like you,you only have to be mine.Though in the end I let go of this feeling of possessiveness and I get over it and I can share now yay
I can’t wait until I’m older so I can dress however I want.I can’t dress the way I want because I live in a restricted area with a family with a lot of restrictions.Not necessarily my mother,but my grandfather and uncle.They usually expect me to listen to them but I don’t really give a shit about their opinion.They have a problem with women doing their own thing and have a problem with independent women.Literally I fucking hate this.They want me to stay in the country but I don’t want to.I want to study abroad and travel the world and learn about cultures and meet people and expand my mind.I’m not listening to them and staying here with a mind as small as mine.I’m going to go and enjoy the feeling of being free.I always tell my best friend I’ll end up being a nomad.
went from telling u about me to a character I made up
I have this strange obsession with glamour - I love fur jackets,red lipstick,caramel hair,voluptuous body with plump lips…a personality of an overly-clingy and needy woman who is extremely sensitive and enjoys dreaming and having sexual intercourse around five times a day.She probably has an addiction to alcohol and drugs and she probably smokes and paints her nails red and she probably had a very seductive voice.She often dates guys who are very troubled - they might be drug dealers or maybe have a criminal record,he might even work in the mafia.She probably lets guys treat her like shit and she often cries about the sky and cats and the sea.The sea is a place where she relaxes and she finds comfort in water.She might take long baths in the morning,and have an ice cold beer and a pack of cigarettes for breakfast.She often has a cat - whom she loves and cares a lot for.She goes to many exclusive clubs around town,mainly because of her mysterious smile and innocent eyes.She usually sits in the VIP section and she is usually the only girl there - she usually wears nude silk short dresses with spaghetti straps and black heels.She usually snorts coke with the gay guy who tells everyone about his relationship problems with his abusive boyfriend and she usually feels quite comfortable under the eyes of the hungry and horny men in the room.When she was younger,she didn’t have a good relationship with her father,and a slightly better one with her mother.Her father preferred her sister to her,and he had a problem with her daydreaming and unreliable nature.She spent most of her time with her aunt,who was a prostitute,and she often brought boys there and she then finally moved in her aunts house at the age of 16.Her aunt wasn’t usually home,she came home usually drunk,or under the influence of drugs.She still has a relationship with her aunt.She isn’t in touch with her parents and other family members.She often lists to blues and she enjoys singing whilst she dances around her living room in her silk red robe.She has a blog where she often posts her poems and her struggles.She never went to college,though she’s smarter than most,though she fails to use her intelligence.She doesn’t really care about the opinion of others,but if you tell her you hate the way she ignores people and the way she is an escapist,she might be hurt for so long she might even forget about you.She loves dressing up for no reason.She has a very troubled past.